Rewarding Speculation

An Academy Award and now the Nobel Peace Prize? Who is Al Gore's PR person--she needs a raise!

If You're Going to Steal My Checkbook, Please Head for Anthropologie

The year was 2001, and I was employed at the local Honeybaked Ham over Thanksgiving break (no hair net was involved, but I had a super-cute apron...Kristin, you remember the days). At some point during this week, someone (likely a co-worker) decided to steal my checkbook out of my purse, which was sitting with other purses in the breakroom. Assuming that I had lost the checkbook and that it would turn up in a day or so, I was not concerned about its location. Until the first returned check notice arrived.

You may ask, how did I immediately know that the returned check was not mine, particularly in light of my less-than-stellar bookkeeping at the time? It's simple: the check was to the Fashion Bug in Fairfield. It didn't take much to convince my mother that I had not spent the money at the Fashion Bug, much less that I had not ordered the Fashion Bug credit card that arrived in the mail.

After I filed a police report and my mother spent hours on the phone, wrote several letters, and had many discussions with a woman at Regions Bank, we thought we had put this behind us. Until this past Monday, when a $148 returned check to the Family Dollar turned up on my credit report. Not surprisingly, the check was written in 2001. I think I have resolved this latest little complication. And I know that I should be offended by the immoral self-absorption that would allow someone to steal my checkbook and try to ruin my credit. But, really, here's what gets me...

The thief's locations of choice. If you're going to steal someone's checkbook, and you're going to have a spending spree wherever you want, buying whatever you want, DON'T hit up your local Fashion Bug! For crying out loud, buy something good! What's more, why would you order a credit card in my name, knowing it will go to my address? Are you trying to save me 10% on your Fashion Bug purchase? Thank you ever so much, but please don't bother.

The moral of the story: think before you steal. Be a smart thief. Don't waste your chance at a new plasma TV.

Tip of the Day

Something not to say to a pregnant woman: "Wow, you look uncomfortable."

I mean, why don't you just exclaim, "Geez, you're HUGE!" and get it over with?

Home Sweet Home

Jason and I are one step closer to being homeowners! And one step closer to being back in Birmingham. We put a contract on this house this weekend, and we'll close at the end of July.

Only in this Crazy State

A Decatur couple has named their sons "Tyde" and "Saban." My favorite part of the article:

"The Witts first talked about naming their second child after the late coach Paul 'Bear' Bryant. But one [of] the father's good friends already has the nickname 'Bear.'"

I mean, come on. I'll confess that my dog is named for an Ole Miss football legend. But I will also quickly say (a) he's a DOG, and (b) Archie Manning has already proven himself. Nick Saban has yet to win a game with the Crimson "Tyde."

A Declaration of War

For the second day in a row, I have gotten one bag of Peanut M&M's for the price of two. Yesterday, when I went to the vending machine and looked for a snack that would quench my need for chocolate and not push me over my carb-limit for the day, I opted for a snack containing relatively low-carb peanuts (Note: I am not endorsing M&M's as health food here...I'm just saying they help me cope with the blood sugar problem without imposing too much guilt). When I put my $.60 into the machine, and the bag of M&M's got stuck, I was slightly annoyed. So, I got back on the elevator, rode the three flights up to my office, and retrieved more change.

Convinced that I would regain my original loss by getting two bags of M&M's, I put another $.60 into the machine. Of course, one fell down and the second bag hung by a thread in the machine. After weighing my options, I decided that a pregnant woman should not take on a very heavy vending machine. So, I ate some chocolate and resolved to let it go. Besides, there were people in the breakroom.

Then there was today.

This time, I rode the elevator downstairs. As I looked at the vending machines, I had an epiphany: I'm not letting that machine take my money again. I was going to use the OTHER vending machine to get today's chocolate-y goodness. (I'm smarter than the average bear, you see.)

But, when I put my $.60 into the machine, ... it happened again. Again the M&M's hung by a corner in this second machine. Since no one was present in the breakroom, I decided that perhaps it was time to take care of this little problem. So, I shook the vending machine. Not violently, but enough that the law of gravity should have prevailed. Alas, no M&M's.

So, as you probably guessed, I am again eating a bag of M&M's, which I paid for twice. And no, I didn't get my compensatory second bag today either. It's still hanging in the machine, waiting to fall for some lucky person who has been getting two bags of M&Ms for the price of one this week.

So, whoever you are, oh favored one, you owe me two bags of M&M's and counting. And to my esteemed vending machine operator man, I suggest that you revisit the Judicial Building after May 4th.

(This pretty much sums up my feelings on the subject.)

A Sincere Thank You ...

to the Ohio State Buckeyes for waking up after halftime. My bracket is looking pathetic enough without them losing this early!

UPDATE: My loving husband has felt the need to point out that I am in dead last in our bracket challenge. As if I didn't know.

FURTHER UPDATE: Blogger has the times messed up. I definitely did NOT wake up at 6:22 this morning thinking about the Buckeyes, as the end of this post indicates.

Falling Short of the Glory of God

Pastor Mark Lauterbach gives a great explanation of the doctrine of total depravity. He accurately portrays the seeming tension between the good that we can see in the world and the sin that separates all of us from God. I particularly appreciate the analogy to the Parthenon at the end.

(He continues the post here.)

"Disappointing, but Not Unexpected"

Alabama legislators have given themselves a 62% raise. That's right. 62%. And over the Governor's veto.

$1000 Pizza ... Seriously

There is a lot about this that makes me sad, but I don't think I really have to elaborate. The thing speaks for itself.

And to anyone who EVER buys this pizza: Could you please feed a small country for a week instead?

The Untruth that Sinners Love to Believe

"The law of attraction is a law of nature. It is impersonal and it does not see good things or bad things. It is receiving your thoughts and reflecting back to you those thoughts as your life experience. The law of attraction simply gives you whatever it is you are thinking about."
-- The Secret

Sounds a lot like Jiminy Cricket: "When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are. When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true."

In reviewing the best-seling book and movie The Secret, Donald S. Whitney states, "The problem with The Secret is that it focuses our hope selfward and not Godward. It is all about self-empowerment, self-fulfillment, and getting whatever we want."

More interestingly, Whitney draws the following comparison: "The Secret is nothing more than Name It-Claim It, Positive-Confession, Prosperity Theology (without God and the Bible), built on a foundation of New Age self-deification."

I have not read this book, nor do I intend to do so. But its worldwide popularity is stunning and indicative of how badly our sinful nature wants to believe that we are truly in control.

Ew, Gross!

A great reason to stick with run-of-the-mill spa treatments...

Not So Fast

Almost all of the schools in the Montgomery and Birmingham areas have closed for the day, due to the threat of severe weather this afternoon. I am trying to remember a time that my elementary schools let out early because of potential tornado threats, and I can think of only one. (Incidentally, my mother was out driving around in the weather and didn't know that there was a weather problem, much less that we were let out early.) Instead, I remember several trips out to the hall with a heavy textbook in hand, where we would sit against the wall with the book ready to cover our heads in the event disaster struck.

But the phenomenon of late seems to be letting students go home when severe weather is a strong possibility. And I'm not sure this is such a great idea, for several reasons:

1. It causes chaos and confusion among the students, and the teachers can just kiss the whole day good-bye.
2. It forces parents to drive with their children in the inclement weather, which we all know is dangerous.
3. It brings the possibility that little Suzy's parent didn't get the message, and she's left sitting by the carpool line until someone gets in touch with her mom, who just happens to have gone out of town on business for the day.
4. The best reason is one that someone mentioned on the radio this morning: in Alabama, many students live in mobile homes. Everyone knows that (a) mobile homes are extremely dangerous in a storm and therefore (b) tornadoes seem to aim for mobile homes. Any school building in the state would be safer for a student than his mobile home, where he has no protection from the elements.

This is not a snow day. Letting out early for snow makes sense. You may not be able to get your child from the school once the snowstorm hits. But once a tornado or storm system has blown through, you can go get your child. You may have to dodge some debris to do it, but you can get there.

UPDATE: Following the devastating loss of life at Enterprise High School a couple of weeks ago, I gave further thought to my original stance. Although I certainly understand the argument that keeping so many students in one place can result in more lives lost if a tornado hits a school, I continue to believe that students are safer in their schools than on the road going home or in mobile homes. I sincerely believe that the school did everything that they could do to protect the students. Sometimes you can do all you think possible and still wind up with disastrous results.